i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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