just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Slut skills are useful in every country.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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