My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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