How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
