and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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