how hairy? two words: wookie tits
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
