He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
