K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
