He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
