Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
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do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
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SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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