There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
