Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize