The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
