I'm jealous of your bromance
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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