If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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