Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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