I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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