Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
