My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
