Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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