I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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