listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
