in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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