frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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