New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
my liver is dry heaving
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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