he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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