i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
