In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
