Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
