Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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