How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I forget how to act sober
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
