Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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