Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
foreskin is a definite game changer
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
