hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
