I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just blew my weed a kiss
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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