I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize