Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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