The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
