I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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