I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
