I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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