dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
