Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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