Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
