Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
