I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
