those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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