Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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