Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
