i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
