You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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