He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
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Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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