she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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