They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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