also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
