the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
fuck your aforementioned shoe
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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