The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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