the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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