i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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