On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
