I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
