I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
